Thoughts on graduation...

You guys, I graduate a week from today!!! It still hasn't sunk in and definitely does not feel real. The town that has shaped so much of who I am today, will no longer be my home. Fargo may not be my home ever again. Change is hard. I have wished for this moment for so long & now that it's finally here I have a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions filling my entire being. Everything from "wow, you did it you're so awesome" to teary eyed "this is my last time carrying a backpack as a student" moments. It's been real, North Dakota. I will miss you a whole bunch, but am forever grateful for the friends and memories you've given me. Next on my to-do list for 2014, marry the one whom my soul loves on June 21st. 

Am I Ready?

Am I ready? Three words that I have been asking myself during the quiet moments of my day.  Am I ready to move when called?  To step outside of my comfort zone in order to show the love of Jesus to this hurting world? Because if not I want to be.  I want to spend my free moments preparing my heart for the adventures ahead.  I don't want to waste one more minute.  I don't want to spend today thinking about tomorrow, CPA exams, & being a good enough wife. I'm preparing today for those moments tomorrow. My heart yearns to be ready.  

i love my mom

my mom is always smiling.
my mom is always giving.
my mom is so beautiful and radiates light from her wherever she goes.
my mom has taught me to love and create genuine lasting friendships.
my mom has taught me to create my own sunshine wherever it is i go.
my mom has the biggest heart and humble spirit. 
my mom has made this world a better place. 

she is what i hope to someday be for my own children...

the best back scratcher and calmer of my fears, the supporter of my dreams, my #1 fan, and most of all a selfless friend with the greatest advice. 

thank you mom for loving me even though i like to wear "weird" outfits sometimes. 

i love you, happy mama's day!

Walking on Water

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So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus.  But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink.  "Save me, Lord!" he shouted. Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him.  "You have so little faith," Jesus said.  "Why did you doubt me?" Matthew 15: 29-31

This verse struck the depths of my being last night.  So many times do I let my feelings rule my circumstances.  So many times I am fearful.  So many times I am insecure and let my insecurities get the best of me.  So many times do I try to plan my own days.  So many times do I catch myself worrying.  So many times I am anxious.  Especially in this season of graduation and career/life planning all too often my thoughts are future thinking. So many times I have asked to be saved instead of just walking on the water to begin with.  

How could I doubt the creator of the Earth's plan for me and have so little faith?  
Because it's so much easier to doubt than to defeat.
It takes time and conscious effort to think heavenly.

It is my own decision to choose worry over trust & future thoughts over here and now thoughts.

Those decisions only cause me to sink more.  

I want to walk on the water.

Will you join me? 

you are beautiful

yes you.  you are beautiful & not alone in feeling inadequate according to the world's views on beauty.  but you are not ugly, nor should you feel ashamed of your appearance and body type.  you were created to be just who you are, perfectly crafted by the maker of heaven & earth.  he is who i bring my feelings of inadequacy to.  he lifts me up and reminds me of how beautiful i am each and every time that Satan attacks.  we must run away from the norms of the world and its emphasis on outward appearance every single minute of every single day.  our world is filled with such hurt and pain and suffering because everyone believes the lies.  you will not be the norm if you begin to live inwardly, but i can promise that you will be happy.  play this song & know that there could never be a more beautiful you. like ever ;) 

a headache

{my accounting book is ginormous in case anyone was wondering}

dear lee,

last night you were about to leave my apartment after two hours of listening to me whine & complain about school and studying, but as you were leaving i told you i had a headache- in my exact words, the worst headache ever & yes i know i can be exaggerative at times, but really for real i meant it and you rubbed my little ole forehead until it felt 100% better. thank you for doing that. thank you for putting off the sandwich & ranch wheat thins for my hurting head. thank you for reminding me that school isn't everything. thank you for loving me during these busy weeks of mine. i really appreciate it. 

ali

If You Really Knew Me...

photo taken in Bruges, Belgium during my study abroad adventure fall of 2011

>> you would know that I am cheesy, a romantic, & cry way too easily - seriously.

>> you would know that I care about people & want everyone to know how beautiful they are.

>> you would know that I am a dreamer & a believer that my dreams lined up with God's will, will come true.

>> you would know that I have big dreams.

>> you would know that I speak without thinking a lot of times.

>> you would know that I love back rubs and head scratches.

>> you would know that I believe in true friendship and have about 13 "best friends" they each have their own special place in my heart and I try my very best to make sure that they know that.

>> you would know that I absolutely hate zits! who doesn't?

>> you would know that I love soft bread, cheese, and dipping sauces (specifically ketchup & bleu cheese).

>> you would know that birthdays are a big deal...speaking of which, my 21st is coming up real fast :) 

>> you would know that I'm so excited to have a family of my own someday, whatever that may look like.

>> you would know that words of affirmation are a big deal to me.

>> you would know that i am sensitive. 

>> you would know that I believe smiling is always appropriate.

>> you would know that I struggled with my weight & exercising to maintain the small figure I was blessed with for the first two years of college. The "freshman 15" scared me to death so I ran too far in the opposite direction. I never had an eating disorder just some very disordered eating that sucked joy from my life. God radically transformed my "thoughts" this past year on my study abroad trip. It is quite the slippery slope for so many women & something very close to my heart. 

>> you would know that I have a tough time focusing while watching a movie because I feel like I could be out changing the world, but instead I am sitting on my butt eating popcorn.

>> you would know that I didn't like popcorn until probably college, but nowadays Lee & I can be seen with the largest bucket possible at each movie we go to. 

>> you would know that I do not like breaking rules or being rebellious of any sort. I am whole heartedly a goodytwoshoes.

>> you would know that I cried at my hunter safety test & usually still cry with Lee whenever we go practice shooting the gun at the target in the days before the hunt. 

>> you would know that I cannot listen to what someone is saying and text at the same time and do not believe anyone that thinks they can.

>> you would know that I love conversation & getting to know the many different people of this world.

>> you would know that I like to cook only when I know I am good at the recipe, which is why I plan to have a chef in my future home.

>> you would know that I don't like doing things wrong.

>> you would know that I am a Mac lover for life.

>> you would know that I was blessed with a brain and good (schoolwise) memory - school is & was very easy for me.

>> you would also know that I cannot remember movie quotes to save my life (that's Lee's area of expertise). 

>> you would know that I am a girly girl. 

>> you would know that I am afraid of blood, but once thought I could be a nurse?!

>> you would know that perfection is my enemy.

>> you would know that I love snuggling.

>> you would know that I love to love and be loved.

>> you would know that I just love love & weddings & romantical things.

>> you would know that I can't stand goodbyes.

>> you would know that I love sleeping in. 

>> you would know that I love being quirky with my clothing choices. 

>> you would know that I take forever in the grocery store thinking of all of the tasty treats I could make.

>> you would know that I have pointy ears, but no I do not know what you are getting for christmas (a kid in the 1st grade seemed to wonder that very question, but got sent to the principal's office for asking ha).

>> you would know that I constantly pray for protection over my worries & fears. 

>> you would know that I was never as talkative as I am today, but slowly worked myself out of my childhood shyness.

>> you would know that I am a very devoted person.

>> you would know that I love wearing camo & adventuring on hunts with Lee because it is what he loves to do. 


>> you would know that I love being kissed on the forehead.


>> you would know that I wash most all of my dishes by hand.

>> you would know that I don't believe that anyone should live a boring life & do not plan to myself. 

If I really knew you what is it that I would learn?